


Hoes and Renjun

by bbyhyuck, jaesixes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00 line are all in 2nd year of uni, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, There's a lot of swearing, based on actual messages me and my friends have sent to each other, brief: issa mess, but renjun has a fat romantic crush on winwin lmao, chensung and mark come in later chapters but are mentioned in earlier chapters, chensung are in first year, emojis don't show up ugh, mark is in final year of uni, nicknames of 00 line are unoriginal but accurate so, occasional bants from other groups, older members will be mentioned, some desi banter which I'll translate to the best of my abilities, they're all gay except Renjun who's asexual, tv show references are strong in chapter 6, winwin may or may not turn up bc of renjun's crush idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:45:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15163955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbyhyuck/pseuds/bbyhyuck, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaesixes/pseuds/jaesixes
Summary: Full Sun: Well, this is madness I feel tocall mark about itLiteral Prince: Wtf you mean by ‘call mark’ boiiiiMoominluvr00: HYUCK IM DDJDJDJSJSJSJNana: wait you don’t talk to MarkNana: what doth thee implyeth





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I love chatfics and decided as my first time writing on here to write one also. I have other accounts on other sites with incomplete fanfics but they're irrelevant lmao. I also wrote this based on genuine group chat messages with my friends. Also me and my friends are all British South Asians so we sometimes slip into Mirpuri/Sylheti/Punjabi/Hindi/Urdu/etc. (usually it's the first two but you get my point) so I'll add translations

**Hoes and Renjun**

_Moominluvr00 (Renjun), Literal Prince (Jeno), Full Sun (Haechan), Nana (Jaemin)_

Moominluvr00: ugh if I HEAR one more person say men are trash imma throw hands

Moominluvr00: like a wHOLE Dong Sicheng exists

Moominluvr00: try and call him trash I dare you

Literal Prince: who the fuck bit your head off today Jun? and you’re not even into Sicheng, you’re not into ANYONE like that you #fakeasexual

Moominluvr00: shut up Jeno you know I feel romantic feels. I’m so fed up with third wave feminists who don’t know how to differentiate good men and women from actual trash. Like yes men are trash, trust me I know, but these same hoes are out there thirsting over men and cock and in some cases pussy but it’s like stop being fucking hypocritical. Don’t thirst over men if you think men are trash it’s simple.

Literal Prince: I thought you were a feminist Junnie

Moominluvr00: I am (you guys are too idc) but I’m also tired of explaining that feminism is for everybody

Nana: why is Renjun going on another feminist rant

Moominluvr00: you know what Jaemin fuck off you saw how shit that lecture was

Nana: I’m not getting involved.

Full Sun: Well, this is madness I feel tocall mark about it

Literal Prince: Wtf you mean by ‘call mark’ boiiii

Moominluvr00: HYUCK IM DDJDJDJSJSJSJ

Nana: wait you don’t talk to Mark

Nana: what doth thee implyeth

Moominluvr00: wtf Jaemin that desn’t make sense

Moominluvr00: doesn’t* also don’t ask questions

Nana: Bithc

Literal Prince: ala ja fir kutti*

Moominluvr00: wow I stan a polyglot

Literal Prince: you barely understand us shut up

Full Sun: dw guys let Renjun live

Full Sun: I’ll explain bc I’m still dead @ how I apparently have so many of the level 6s’ numbers, emails, private Instagrams etc.

Moominluvr00: sit tight bitches it’s about be a bumpy ride

Moominluvr00: which I can’t be arsed to hear again but oh well

Full Sun: wow fuck you INjoon I just backed you up you hoe

Full Sun: anyway some crazy level 4s got their numbers and shit (?) idek and one of my group project people knows Chenle from level 4 who had these lists off Jisung or smth

Full Sun: And he sent them to her who sent them to me and now I have all this power in my hands and it’s SCADY SHSJSJS

Full Sun: SCARY*

Full Sun: So technically I COULD CALL MARK AND PROPOSE LKKE “Jaemin wants me to get married, you in?”

Moominluvr00: *moon emoji*

Literal Prince: WOT

Literal Prince: GFGHU

Literal Prince: USE THAT POWER

Moominluvr00: JENO

Moominluvr00: Hhshdhdhdh

Full Sun: I COULD NEVER

Full Sun: IM sooo curious to see if it is really his number but

Nana: Omg

Nana: If you have the number

Nana: Ring it

Nana: What you waiting for?

Full Sun: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND JENO

Nana: Just pretend to be like those people that ask annoying Questionnaires

Nana: You don’t even need to say you’re in his uni

Moominluvr00: Wow me and Donghyuck are deffo more mature

Full Sun: Mark’s spoken to me before

Moominluvr00: He asked you where the new halls are and then called you Dongyoung stop chatting poop

Literal Prince: “OHHHH Thanks so much, er, Dongyoung?” SJSJSJJSJ

Full Sun: fuCK OFF

Nana: And say can you spare a few mins to answer a few questions

Nana: Ok

Nana: *moon emoji*

Full Sun: I would never intentionally be a pest to Mark

Full Sun: That sounds so cheesy

Moominluvr00: Intentionally

Moominluvr00: Being the operative term

Full Sun: Alexa how to cancel myself

Nana: That’s like saying oh if you had Leonardo DiCaprio’s number you’d sit back and leave it stored in your phone forever

Full Sun: I would

Nana: K

Moominluvr00: mate you do realise Mark is Mark not Leo DiCaprio

Moominluvr00: Alexa how to cancel Jaemin

Nana: Weird

Nana: I wouldn’t

Full Sun: I couldn’t bring myself to ring them

Nana: I’d ring it

Full Sun: I’d feel bad

Nana: But obviously I wouldn’t say I’m in the year below

Nana: I’d be those survey kinds of people *multiple laughing emojis*

Full Sun: But you’re literally egging on my curiosity

Nana: Nah man come on

Nana: You have the number

Nana: You have the power in your hands

Nana: You could record your voice

Nana: And blow up on Twitter

Nana: Or Instagram

Nana: With your voice

Moominluvr00: highly illEGaL

Full Sun: Could possibly have the number. There’s a high chance it’s a random Korean. Since we are all Korean… well Injoon’s from China but same shit since his parents are Korean so it works out

Full Sun: I personally think it is a random Korean geezer

Moominluvr00: Jaemin

Moominluvr00: You're a criminal

Nana: Rah your route to famedom

Moominluvr00: "Famedom"

Full Sun: CRIMINAL JAJSJS

Full Sun: Ok but imagine innocent ol’ sleep deprived Mark getting a call from “survey people”

Moominluvr00: But seriously tho me and Donghyuck are deffo more mature

Full Sun: ID feel HELLA BAD

Literal Prince: Is this number thing real

Literal Prince: CAN U RING HIM PLS

Full Sun: But I literally have so many of the Level 6s’ “numbers”

Full Sun: We’ll never know

Full Sun: Could be fake

Literal Prince: I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM

Full Sun: JENO STFU JSJSS

Literal Prince: Fuck off

Literal Prince: I can’t believe u never told me this

Full Sun: I’ve only had it for like 3 days

Literal Prince: a step closer to baeing up

Literal Prince: and u lost it

Moominluvr00: IMD DHDHDHDH Jeno stfu

Literal Prince: Pass me that number

Literal Prince: you shut up Renjun

Literal Prince: as I was SaYiNg

Literal Prince: ill make the move

Full Sun: What wokls you say to him

Full Sun: Would*

Literal Prince: MARRY ME

Literal Prince: JOKE

Literal Prince: MARRY DONGHYUCK

Full Sun: AJAJSJSJSJSJ

Nana: “Hi is this Mark Lee?”  “Yes speaking, to whom am I speaking to?”  “hi Mark, I’m Donghyuck. We’ve got your number from our data base and we were wondering if you could spare a few moments of your time squeals to answer a few Questions?” “uhhh okay…” “So we are running a review of our business MarkIflippinloveya.com and we are hoping you can give some feedback on our performance?”

Full Sun: HOLLERING

Full Sun: Markiflippinloveya.com

Moominluvr00: to whom am I speaking to

Literal Prince: Why is Donghyuck a survey lady?

Nana: I said what I said.

Moominluvr00: Let’s be real it’d go more like “u the bitch?” “what?” “you're marrying Donghyuck okay”

Literal Prince: I'M DHSHSHDHDNNDD

Nana: Then Donghyuck would say “Yo can ya Marry me or not”

Literal Prince: “Donghyuck se shaadi karoge, Mark?”

Literal Prince: At least we’ll have a wedding to attend

Nana: Why have I got the Australian accent in my head when I typed that out

Full Sun: oI fELix C’mere BrOOOo

Moominluvr00: HerE’s YA RAAmEEen

Full Sun: What YA MAke brOOoo

Moominluvr00: for mE CUZ

Literal Prince: NDNDJSNDEAD

Moominluvr00: Wait… Guys Mark’s Canadian

Nana: same shit

Moominluvr00: no??? it’s not??? Bitch read an atlas

Literal Prince: reAD AN ATLAS IM DECEASED

Nana: Lmaoo so funny Junnie hahaha

Moominluvr00: You guys are lit

Literal Prince: we could make this legit actually

Moominluvr00: But immature

Moominluvr00: Sjsjsjdjd

Literal Prince: I’m being serious

Full Sun: Y’all don’t even know what he looks like

Literal Prince: I- You already showed me him

Literal Prince: once

Nana: Yo

Nana: We can do this

Nana: We can do this!!!

 


	2. Start the Chant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nana: Nah imagine tho .... you can have this memory  
> Nana: Forever  
> Nana: And tell anyone  
> Literal Prince: I bet he’s already had a convo with mark  
> Nana: I’m dying!  
> Moominluvr00: well if you include the time Mark called him Dongyoung HDHDHDHD  
> Full Sun: i take it back fuck you Injoon  
> Nana: Lmaoo Ennit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, 17 Kudos already, thanks so much!! Here's chapter 2, which happens a few hours after chapter 1. Translations will be below.
> 
> Also I might as well give a brief overview of how the dreamies are interlinked-  
> Donghyuck and Renjun are best friends from college (UK; the US equivalent of Junior/Senior year of High School), Mark was a year above them in the same college, and Chenle was a year below them so didn't really know Mark but knew who he was bc he was popular.  
> Jaemin went to college with Jeno and Jisung, where Nomin both started dating.  
> Jisung and Chenle are on the same course as Renjun and Donghyuck just a year below.  
> Every other NCT member mentioned either goes to the uni as mature students or are doing post-graduate studies but that information isn't as important.

**Hoes and Renjun**

Literal Prince: DONGHYUCK who’s else number have u got hidden in ur phone

Moominluvr00: FFS the chat died already why bring it back up

Nana: shut up and do your work. don’t get salty because you just remembered your shitty lecture

Moominluvr00: I am liTERALLY OLDER THAN ALL OF YOU

Literal Prince: by a few months so stfu

Nana: thanks babe >.<

Literal Prince: ... I hate that you know how to make the uwus jump out

Full Sun: I haven’t got the numbers shaved you asses (minus Injoon ily bestie)

Full Sun: Saved*

Nana: I’m being forreal Hyuck

Literal Prince: same

Nana: Donghyuck remember when you’re famous

Literal Prince: I’m being legit

Nana: Remember me*

Nana: Nah imagine tho .... you can have this memory

Nana: Forever

Nana: And tell anyone

Literal Prince: I bet he’s already had a convo with mark

Nana: I’m dying!

Moominluvr00: well if you include the time Mark called him Dongyoung HDHDHDHD

Full Sun: i take it back fuck you Injoon

Nana: Lmaoo Ennit

Nana: *multiple laughing emojis*

Literal Prince: Keeping it lowkey

Literal Prince: Donghyuck probably clearing all the evidence now

Nana: Nah man

Nana: I still can’t believe Donghyuck has his number

Nana: And he ain’t even ringing Mark

Nana: That’s like me having Shawn Mendes’s number

Nana: And like storing it in my phone

Nana: I’m facepalming myself

Nana: So bad

Literal Prince: Here we go again with Shawn Mendes...

Nana: wym "here we go again"

Literal Prince: anyways ikr how is man not making use of this

Literal Prince: OPPORTUNITY

Nana: Enni

Nana: Ennit

Nana: Ennit

Literal Prince: may as well exit life

Nana: Snnit

Nana: Ennit

Moominluvr00: Jaemin can you fucking learn how to TYPE HAI RE HAI

Nana: tu chup kar Renjun

Nana: Shout it Jeno

Nana: Shout it for the ones at the back

Literal Prince: Im disgusted

Full Sun: I only have the numbers in a message form

Literal Prince: WOT DOES THAT MEAN

Nana: I’m shocked

Nana: Disgusted

Full Sun: I haven’t saved them

Literal Prince: SAME THIGN

Nana: So get them

Nana: And save them

Nana: But imagine

Nana: If it was actually him

Nana: And you spoke to him

Nana: Donghyuck would never live it down

Literal Prince: id be shook

Nana: He’d be talking about it for the rest of his life

Nana: Donghyuck you never know... it can be him

Literal Prince: Donghyuck would be quitting uni and moving to Korea with Mark

Nana: Someone turned up at Shawn’s house in the middle of the winter

Nana: Dressed in hot pants and a tank top

Nana: She said ‘I’m lost ... can you drive me to the nearest Starbucks’

Nana: And he actually drove her there

Nana: He knew she was a fan

Moominluvr00: what a gentleman. The fan could have easily been a murderer

Literal Prince: rah

Literal Prince: thats nice Renjun

Moominluvr00: xoxo

Nana: But it happened and he drove her there!!!

Nana: She came from a different country

Nana: Must have been hot in her country

Nana: And didn’t realise it would be winter *multiple laughing emojis*

Nana: I’m dead tho

Full Sun: What are you lot Even on now

Literal Prince: Lmaoo

Nana: Ennit! Wish it was me

Literal Prince: Call ur mans thats what

Literal Prince: Sit back down b

Nana: Call your mans

Nana: Call your mans

Nana: Start the chant

Nana: Call your mans

Moominluvr00: bbl

Literal Prince: are you even here tho rah get lost

Moominluvr00: exCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO GET A FIRST IN MY UPCOMING ASSIGNMENT YOU DONKEY

Nana: Call your mans

Nana: Hahaha

Full Sun: OMG STFUUUUU

Full Sun: If it makes you happy

Full Sun: I’ll consider calling when we meet up in the summer

Nana: REALLY??

Literal Prince: BALLE BALLE

Literal Prince: Consider?!

Nana: What if he changes it

Nana: I doubt it, But we can try

Full Sun: y’all mad

Literal Prince: your calling him tomorrow

Moominluvr00: **You’re**

Literal Prince: literally get lost Jun

Nana: Ok we can do it in the summer

Nana: But what if he changes it?

Literal Prince: Summer is TOO long

Literal Prince: *crying emoji*

Nana: Write a big script out and everything

Nana: SHSHSHSHS

Full Sun: The number’s probably outdated already

Nana: Making excuses Hyuck Lee?

Literal Prince: we can ask him for Sicheng’s number too

Nana: BABE DFJHFHVF

Literal Prince: maybe he’ll have it

Nana: Babe

Nana: Shhhhh. Renjun will attack

Moominluvr00: Renjun is busy

Literal Prince: fuck off then

Nana: Shhh go get your first stop thinking about Sicheng

Literal Prince: LOL i knew that was coming

Literal Prince: ajdjdj

Nana: HSJDJDJHDH

Literal Prince: innit

Full Sun: I’m telling y’all these could 90% be random people’s numbers

Nana: But 10% could be real

Literal Prince: theres always a possibility

Nana: So chup kar (bai mari yeh)

Literal Prince: This reminds me of when we ‘rang’ up Taeyong

Moominluvr00: NA JAEMIN

Literal Prince: and it was 90% NOT the right number

Literal Prince: Snjdje

Nana: Whattt

Moominluvr00: JAEMIN

Literal Prince: SHHRHR

Moominluvr00: whafusdfdjfdjf

Nana: Lmaoo

Nana: Was it not right?

Nana: Didn’t Yuta pick up

Nana: ??

Literal Prince: it 100%! Wasn’t Taeyong

Literal Prince: it was Yuta

Full Sun: I’m sitting here enjoying chilli chips and chicken from the Chinese place

Full Sun: Y’all going mad

Full Sun: except Injoon

Moominluvr00: love you bestie xoxo

Moominluvr00: okay but who brought up Taeyong I jus wanna fite

Nana: Ok whatever

Nana: Don’t ring MArk then

Nana: One day someone else will ring Mark

Nana: Like another Level 5, or that guy who's related to Chenle

Nana: And what if he’s gonna fall in love over the phone and get Married

Literal Prince: Lol one day someone else will take ur place and u can continue eating ur chips from the Chinese place

Full Sun: The best thing is he’s a devout Christian

Full Sun: he prays before he eats his food

Full Sun: he’ll probably perform sermons one dAY

Full Sun: YALL GOT ME GOING MAD

Literal Prince: LOOL

Literal Prince: WHAT U WAITING FOR THEN

Literal Prince: GET MOVING

Literal Prince: GET UP GET MOVING

Literal Prince: Lol remember that guys

Full Sun: GET UP GET MOVING

Literal Prince: OUR IT COURSEWORK

Literal Prince: lmaoo

Nana: And they will relish in that memory and you will weep with sorrow

Moominluvr00: Jaemin go to sleep

Literal Prince: deep

Nana: I’m crying

Nana: I am crying

Literal Prince: Lmao

Nana: Shut up Hyuck… Talking about Mark performing sermons

Nana: You can’t even ring him

Nana: *angry emoji*

Nana: *nose flaring emoji*

Full Sun: Did I mention that he’s older than us?  Not relevant to anything but just felt like adding it

Literal Prince: Yeah but u said he’s ur mans

Literal Prince: Shagufta can get moving to Pakistan quicker at this rate

Nana: Lmaooo

Nana: *laughing emojis*

Nana: Yessss

Full Sun: Yh he’s still my mans, theoretically

Literal Prince: yeahh

Nana: You could just talk to him

Nana: You don’t even need to tell him ur younger than him

Full Sun: Rah I feel attacked

Nana: Be all serious

**Literal Prince changed the chat name to his number**

Nana: Is that the number?

Nana: OMG

Literal Prince: no its mine you dumbass

Nana: Oh sorry babe

Nana: hahahahah

Nana: I was rah going to try ringing it

Nana: Just now

Nana: And then cut it off

Literal Prince: you’re lucky I love you, stupid

Full Sun: No you idiot he came here from Korea

Full Sun: His number is a Korean number even though he lives here

Full Sun: Min, how do you not know your own boyfriend’s number I-

Nana: Just to see if It rings

Nana: Oh

Nana: Then just put O7KO in front

Nana: Joke

Nana: I’m going to sleep now

Nana: I’m disappointed in you Donghyuck

Moominluvr00: I go to check my emails for 10 minutes

Moominluvr00: I was surprised to see Jeno’s number like did I accidentally delete his number or smth lmao

Moominluvr00: Nana I’m disappointed in you for not knowing Jeno’s number

Moominluvr00: Y'all are crazy

Nana: Yall crazy

Nana: So. Immature.

Nana: *laughing emoji*

Nana: Ok goodnight

Nana: *hearts*

Full Sun: :(

Read by: Jeno and Renjun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations for Chapter 2 (with help from my mate bbyhyuck):  
> Hai re hai (IM PMSL I FORGOT I SENT THIS TO MY FRIENDS- yes I'm Renjun)- basically it's like saying ffs or oh my days  
> (Tu) chup kar- (you) shut up  
> Balle balle- the easiest thing to say is this means hip hip hooray but less weird idk  
> Bai mari yeh- it's a sarcastic term, literally translates to 'o mother of mine', so Jaemin is sarcastically calling Renjun his mother


	3. Siri is Cancelled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moominluvr00: Wow much Korea  
> Moominluvr00: Such boo  
> Full Sun: we’re Korean you knob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bit over a week, but I want to thank everyone who has read and given kudos! Also, we see more than just the group chat in this chapter, I decided to change it up a bit, it seems worth it to me idk

**Jeno's Number**

Literal Prince: So Donghyuck did u ever contact the guy

Nana: Yes did you?

Moominluvr00: BSHSHSHDHD

Full Sun: OH LORD

Moominluvr00: I CANT BREATHE

Nana: Still waiting for an answer my friend

Full Sun: Aha we set a date for our wedding and everything

Moominluvr00: I'm designing the cake idc

Full Sun: He picked up and was like “Donghyuck .... is that you?”

Nana: Don’t lie I’m gassed for you

Nana: I’m screaming

Nana: He knew your name already?

Nana: How

Nana: He’s got magical powers

Full Sun: Me “BRUH HOW DO YOU KNOW ME square up mans from the endz ygm fam”

Nana: Don’t say that man

Moominluvr00: Mark is very in love with Donghyuck and wants to shower him with love and care hshshshshs

Nana: I’m gassed for you

Nana: I’m dead

Full Sun: Mark “why pareshaan meri jaan?”

Nana: It’ll scare Mark off

Nana: That rhymed

Moominluvr00: It should have been "wae pareshaan" to make it the ultimate bilingual phrase

Nana: Pareshaan nah o

Moominluvr00: Mark Lee you absolute nutter

Full Sun: Me “we getting married or what then”

Full Sun: Mark “set the date, i have approximately only 60 seconds free on three different dates for you to choose from tho”

Moominluvr00: Romantic

Full Sun: It was

Nana: Dead

Full Sun: Where’s Jeno the main person pushing for me and mark to communicate

Full Sun: He needs to hear the good news

Literal Prince: im preeing

Full Sun: Shaadi mein sab zaroor aye

Moominluvr00: Shaadi Mubarak hai

Full Sun: 감사합니다

Moominluvr00: De nada

Nana: You chill

Full Sun: I’m On the korean ting for Mark innit

Nana: Donghyuck

Nana: No shaadi here

Nana: Joke

Nana: *shocked emoji*

Moominluvr00: Rah

Full Sun: #I’m heartbroken without his love#

Full Sun: SNSJSJSJJSJ

Moominluvr00: HDSHDHDHD TUNE THOUGH

Moominluvr00: hey HYuck. how is 마크씨?

Full Sun: 마크씨 is 너무 괜찮아!

Moominluvr00: Wow much Korea

Moominluvr00: Such boo

Full Sun: we’re Korean you knob

Nana: I’m ready to celebrate

Nana: the union of

Nana: Mark Lee

Nana: and Hyuck Lee

Nana: omg you already have the same surname you should name your child Lee Lee

Read by: everyone

-

Nana: you’re all SAAPS *snake emoji*

Moominluvr00: no honey you’re just dopey

Nana: babe Renjun is being rude to me

Literal Prince: okay

Full Sun: JENO VFHFHFHHF

Moominluvr00: hiss hiss motherfuckers

Full Sun: anyway y’all are dumb do you really think I called MArk you must want me to die

Literal Prince: wow I feel betrayed

Nana: good you bitch

Moominluvr00: I- omg no one is attacking me for once I CAN BREATHE AGAIN

Moominluvr00: Hyuck, why don’t you just call the number to shut these two up?

Moominluvr00: Look at me for instance; I befriended sicheng the other day

Nana: HOW THE FUCK

Literal Prince: OMG SPILL THE TEAAAAAAAA

Moominluvr00: I have Chenle and his crazy cousin to thank; they held some tea party thing and invited me, Sicheng and Kun. Kun brought his boyfriend Chittaphon with him they’re hella cute

Moominluvr00: like- cuter than Nomin are

Nana: have I ever told you guys how much I hate Renjun?

Moomnluvr00: whatever I eat all your leftover cookie dough when we go out, so you don’t look bad to the waiters. I eat Jeno’s too kmt

_Full Sun has left the chat_

Nana: YO what’s going on

Literal Prince: omg what why’d he leave the chat

Moominluvr00: I’m going to his dormroom, if I come back and catch you two making out I’m kicking you out of my flat.

 

**Private chat- Renjun and Donghyuck**

Junnie: open the door pleb

Hyuck Lee: no

Junnie: I will camp out all day until you open the door. I mean it.

Read by: Donghyuck

 

“Fuck… DONGHYUCK OPEN UP!” Renjun knocked on the door rapidly, hoping his best friend would respond. Sighing after a while, he turned his phone on again and started typing.

 

 **Private chat- Renjun and Donghyuck**  

Junnie: I will start singing Black Suit at the top of my lungs and annoy your neighbours.

Hyuck Lee: you wouldn’t DARE

Junnie: **눈부신** **MOONLIGHT**

Hyuck Lee: OKAY FINE USE THE SPARE KEY I PUT ON TOP OF THE DOOR FRAME I KNOW YOU’D BE ABLE TO REACH IT

Junnie: hmm.

 

Renjun walked in to find Donghyuck lying face flat on his bed. Tapping his shoulder, Renjun slowly climbed onto the bed, careful not to squash his best friend. Being the clingy person he is, Donghyuck curled himself into Renjun, just seeking some comfort from him.

“Why are you being emo now?”

“I don’t know, they’re just annoying me about Mark.”

“Well, you’ve crushed on him since college, when he mentored me in History. Wow can you believe it’s been that long?”

“I just don’t want to freak him out,” Donghyuck pouted.

“Oi stop being weird Hyuck. Mark’s a nice kid, even though he called-”

“DON’T MENTION THAT!” The younger of the two pushed Renjun off of the bed.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry!” he laughed and stood back up, “but seriously don’t be emo, you’re a great guy and Mark would be lucky to have you accidentally call him.” Donghyuck thanked Renjun before telling him that he wants to do his assignment. Renjun rolled his eyes before telling the younger that he’d be added back onto the chat when he gets back to his apartment.

 

**Jeno’s Number**

_Moominluvr00 (Renjun), Literal Prince (Jeno), Nana (Jaemin)_

Literal Prince: JAEMIN GO CRAWL UP WHITE BOI SHAWNs ass

Nana: gladly

Literal Prince: Good

Moominluvr00: lickedy luck, what the fuck????

_Moominluvr00 changed the chat name to I am ConFuSiOn_

 

**I am ConFuSiOn**

Literal Prince: Ah, falling in love with the colonisers

Nana: Rahhhhhhhhhh

Nana: So petty

Literal Prince: Shawn needs to wrap himself in a nappy bc hes a piece of shit

Nana: don’t get offended and bring colonisers into this yeah

Moominluvr00: OHH OKAY lemme add Hyuck back before I get involved HAHAHAHAH

_Moominluvr00 has added Donghyuck to the chat_

Donghyuck: AT LEAST OUR MANS AIN’T MONOLINGUAL

Donghyuck: oh wait

_Donghyuck changed his name to Full Sun_

Full Sun: IN 2018

Full Sun: the world is expanding, and all Shawn knows is hello and hi

Nana: HE'S HALF PORTUGUESE YOU ASS

Literal Prince: literally all of Big Time Rush are hotter…

Moominluvr00: In this house we love and respect Lee Jeno^

Moominluvr00: Carlos is literally Latino, and Logan is 25% Mexican

Nana: like I literally just said he's half portuguese.

Full Sun: he's still a white bicycle seat to me

Moominluvr00: wHEEZING

Full Sun: literally anyone is hotter than Shawn. for instance Jung Jaehyun issa whole ass meal

Full Sun: *Image of Jaehyun and Hyuck*

Moominluvr00: A MEAL™

Nana: Jaehyun looks like a pretty kurri there

Moominluvr00: says the Shawn Mendes fan

Literal Prince: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

Nana: @Full Sun go crawl up that girls ass

Full Sun: GLADLY FAM Jaehyun could flick Shawn into fucking Narnia

Moominluvr00: rah Nana you literally got Jeno for a boyfriend yet you thirst over SHAWN wow

Nana: I’m muting all of you

Nana: cuz I rah want to give Jun a slap

Moominluvr00: hey I’m just saying… I actually listen to some Shawn Mendes songs you can’t hate me for being honest honey

Literal Prince: OMG HYUCK YOU’RE BACK

Full Sun: Renjun literally said he was gonna add me back but tbh this was a good way for me to forget about Mark lol

Literal Prince: u gud tho? Mans been worried, uno before we argued about Shawn Menses

Moominluvr00: that has got to be the most unfortunate typo

Literal Prince: who said it was a typo

Moominluvr00: HSSHSHSHHS

Full Sun: DJDJDJDJD

Literal Prince: he’s actually ugly though

Moominluvr00: alright bas karo, you might offend Jaemin too much

_Nana has changed Literal Prince’s name to Literal Bitch_

_Nana has changed Moominluvr00’s name to Fake Asexual_

_Nana has changed Full Sun to Satanhyuck_

_Nana has changed his name to Victimised_

Victimised: fuck all of you chuas

Fake Asexual: how many timES DO I HAVE TO SAY ROMANTIC FEELINGS AND SEXUAL FEELINGS ARE DIFFERENT

Literal Bitch: You once said that you’d have a threesome with Taeyong and Yuta

Satanhyuck: AHSZCDGHHFGVDUH

Fake Asexual: this was before I came out as asexual you ass.

Literal Bitch: anyway Hyuck, will you call Mark ever?

Satanhyuck: I didn’t exactly **get** Mark’s number in a normal way, I doubt I should call Mark-

Victimised: ???

Fake Asexual: Hyuck Lee?

Literal Bitch: Donghyuck!

Fake Asexual: where did he go FFS…

Read by: Everyone

-

Satanhyuck: uhhhhh Siri is cancelled. I just accidentally called Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations for Chapter 3 (Hangul and Spanish not included it's pretty straightforward for them)  
> "why pareshaan meri jaan" = why worry/worried my love? (literally)  
> 'Pareshaan nah o' = don't be worried  
> 'Shaadi mein sab zaroor aye' = everyone needs to attend my wedding  
> 'shaadi mubarak hai' = congrats for your wedding (not the exact translation but it's the general gist)  
> 'SAAPS' = snakes (also an inside joke with my mates bc this was what we called these people we had beef with)  
> 'kurri' = girl  
> 'bas karo' = stop it now  
> 'chuas' = rats


	4. Nomin are gross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fake Asexual changed his name to DoneJun  
> Fake Asexual changed Satanhyuck’s name to Dumbhyuck

**I am ConFuSiOn**

_Fake Asexual (Renjun), Satanhyuck (Donghyuck), Literal Bitch (Jeno), Victimised (Jaemin)_

Fake Asexual: YOU FUCKING WHAT?

Literal Bitch: WHAT?

Victimised: HOW THE FUCK-

Satanhyuck: idk Chenle’s cousin came and borrowed my headphones bc his broke and his assignment is due in two days, so he needs them to complete his song

Satanhyuck: and I somehow activated Siri without noticing while I was mid-rant to Chenle’s cousin (whose name is Lucas FYI he gets annoyed that we call him Chenle’s cousin) about you guys constantly telling me to call mark

Satanhyuck: and Siri heard the call mark part and the phone rang for a good minute without me realising

_Fake Asexual changed his name to DoneJun_

_Fake Asexual changed Satanhyuck’s name to Dumbhyuck_

Dumbhyuck: kuttis all I hear is “heLLO? WHO IS THIS?” fhbfhfhfhf

DoneJun: I CAN’T BREATAHEH HAHAHAHA

Literal Bitch: I just gotta ask why don’t we say kutta??

Victimised: bc it’s easier saying kutti

DoneJun: … it’s the same amount of syllables boi

Literal Bitch: While we’re on the topic of asking questions, Junnie don’t you have Mark’s number from when he mentored you?

Victimised: oh shit that would make sense

Victimised: how else do people set up meetings like that

Victimised: nobody uses emails anymore

DoneJun: omg I totally had his number

DoneJun: two years ago

DoneJun: people change their numbers I changed mine 3 times in 2 years

Dumbhyuck: Mark looks like the guy who’d never change his number though

Literal Bitch: “Full Sun: The number’s probably outdated already”

Victimised: so what is the truth?

Dumbhyuck: WELL IF YOU’D LET ME CONTINUE I’D EXPLAIN

DoneJun: explain then I’m gonna go do something, talk later people xoxo

Dumbhyuck: okay so I apologised and said I didn’t mean to call him. For some wild reason he knew who I was and I very audibly squealed aha……... Then I composed myself and replied to him and he was honestly so sweet about it. Then he said “we should go grab a costa sometime”

Dumbhyuck: I’m dating an intellectual Renjun can’t relate

Literal Bitch: you aren’t dating mate, but HHSHSHSHS IS IT THE COSTA OUTSIDE OF OUR CAMPUS

Dumbhyuck: idk but now we haveeach other’s numbers and ya boy has a DAAAAAAAATE

Victimised: SDJJSDJSJJSJS

Victimised: this calls for shots of patrone

Literal Bitch: he really mean chocolate Jaemin’s the biggest lightweight lmao

_Victimised changed his name to DOFMH_

_DOFMH changed Literal Bitch’s name to Je(no)_

DoneJun: what does DOFMH mean?

DoneJun: @Dumbhyuck stfu I go to Costa with you

DoneJun: I won’t drink their coffee, but I go with you

DOFMH: Dicks out for MarkHyuck

Je(no): why do you do this Nana

Dumbhyuck: MarkHyuck sounds so perfect GUYS I JUST BUST A NUT

Dumbhyuck: Renjun where did you go?

Dumbhyuck: Injoon?

Read by: Jeno and Jaemin

 

**Private Chat- Jeno and Renjun**

Jammy: yo dude where did you go?

Smol: sorry I had to take a phone call

Jammy: with whom?

Smol: bro I’m literally not telling you anything

Jammy: I’ll go tell Hyuck you’re taking a long shit then

Smol: I- why?

Jammy: xoxo

 

**I am ConFuSiOn**

DoneJun: I’m back snakes

DoneJun: Hyuck you want help getting ready for your date?

DOFMH: as if he really thinks we have a choice in this

Je(no): LITERALLY

Je(no): also babe I wanna go on a date next week, I miss you

DoneJun: y’all are IN THE SAME COURSE

Dumbhyuck: I just bARFED

DoneJun: fucking gross

Dumbhyuck: fucking gross

DoneJun: BITCH SKSJSJSJSJSKKS

Dumbhyuck: why DOES THIS STILL HAPPEN

Je(no): you guys need to stop with the telepathy I-

DOFMH: aww babe I miss you too xoxo

Je(no): I’M NUTTING

DoneJun: I’m muting

Dumbhyuck: I’m cancelling Nomin

 

**Private chat- Jaemin and Jeno**

Jeno’s: Babe where shall we eat

Jaemin’s: oh idk what do you feel like?

Jeno’s: ngl I kinda wanna spy on Mark and Hyuck on their date

Jaemin’s: Na Jaemin. No. we will most definitely not do that.

Jeno’s: pleeeeeeease

Jeno’s: I want to try that caramel thing at costa you and hyuck always buy

Jaemin’s: then go get one from the canteen costa I ain’t spying on Hyuck that’s mean

Jeno’s: Jenooooooooo

Jaemin’s: Jaeminnnnnnn

Jeno’s: :(

Jaemin’s: don’t pull that

Jaemin’s: you know I hate sad faces

Jeno’s: :(

Jeno’s: :(

Jeno’s: :(

Jaemin’s: FINE FUCKING HELL WE’LL SPY ON MARKHYUCK

Jeno’s: :)

Read by Jeno

**I am ConFuSiOn**

_Dumbhyuck changed his name to Sunshine_

_Dumbhyuck changed the chat name to I GOT A DATE BOIS_

 

**I GOT A DATE BOIS**

Sunshine: lads

Sunshine: I’m spiralling

Sunshine: help?

Read by: All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No translations for this chapter  
> kutta and kutti mean the same thing  
> Also sorry for not posting I had two summer assignments (extensions are the Devil's Advocate) and well I only just finished them RIP  
> Idk if this is a shorter update or not, but if it is I'm sorry because I actually only just finished writing it like today  
> So next update will be soonish idk I'm at home until uni starts up again so we'll see. the next update may or may not be the first appearance of Mark. I'm really just writing this as we go along.  
> thanks for reading xoxo


	5. BONUS- Where Did Renjun Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun sat silently for ten minutes after the call ended. Gathering his thoughts, the short male could only bring himself to say one thing.  
> “What the fuck just happened?”

To say that Renjun was shocked upon receiving a call from someone other than his parents and Donghyuck was a huge understatement. To also see that said call was from an unknown number intrigued and angered Renjun and he couldn’t help but to pick up.

**Phonecall- Renjun and Unknown**

Renjun: Hello?

Unknown: Renjun.

Renjun: hi, is this Mark?

Mark: no this is Patrick.

Renjun: did- did you just fucking quote Spongebob? And how the fuck did you get my new number I’ve not told anyone from college and I’ve changed my number multiple times since college

Mark: Ah Renjun my old buddy hi, Lucas gave me your number. He said you were mates with his cousin Chenle and you guys exchanged numbers at some tea party thing

Renjun: I shall be yelling at Lucas for distributing my number later. Also you literally have not changed one bit you sound even more old now lol

Mark: so… I just rang because I needed to ask you something. Do you know anything about Lee Donghyuck?

Renjun: as in my best friend? Yes, yes I do. It’d be worrying if I knew nothing about him.

Mark: oh shit he’s THAT Donghyuck?

Renjun: I don’t know any other Donghyuck. What did you wanna ask about him?

Mark: i-is he single? Like, does he have a partner?

Renjun: Is there a specific reason behind why you’re asking me this?

Mark: this is gonna sound fucking wild

Mark: but he called me by accident and we got to talking and he just sounds so fucking CUTE

Mark: my heart busted out with all the uwus

Mark: and well I asked him out and now I’m taking him to Costa

Renjun: Mark omg LOL

Renjun: Donghyuck was just telling us about this how weird? But yeah I’m super happy for donghyuck the boy deserves love and after that crush he had on that guy idk his name nor do I care. It was the guy who was in your history class who dated that girl… anyway yeah I’m happy you two are going to have a date it’s a nice way to get to know each other I 100% stand by this

Mark: whoa Donghyuck liked Lee Chan? He’s sooooo straight like straighter than a ruler straight because rulers bend occasionally

Renjun: lmao I know Donghyuck was devastated for like five minutes… it was like a two-week crush thing I’m still laughing about it now though

Mark: what kind of advice do you have on making sure he enjoys our date? I want it to be nice for him, he’s a great guy from what I remember in our college days

Renjun: Honestly, he’s easy to please if you know how to. Donghyuck is a sucker for iced caramel lattes so when you get to costa, order it for him before he tells you what he wants to drink, he’ll instantly love you forever. He also **loves** Michael Jackson so if you drive a car and take him inside it make sure you play his discography. Fun fact the only reason he liked Chan was because he likes Michael Jackson too ahaha

Mark: okay so iced caramel latte and Michael Jackson? That’s so doable, thanks so much Renjun, I owe you!

Renjun: I shall leave you to prepare for your date with my best friend, I got a tall guy to go batter

Mark: you’re like 4ft REnjun please be careful

Renjun: Mark do you remember when I got into a fight with that guy who had to resit A2?

Mark: OH SHIT yes I remember he was so scared for his life… proceed just don’t kill Xuxi I need him for my mixtape

Renjun: oh you still rap that’s nice. Anyway bye!

Mark: b-

Renjun sat silently for ten minutes after the call ended. Gathering his thoughts, the short male could only bring himself to say one thing.

“What the fuck just happened?”

 

**Red White Blue and Yellow**

_Kun Baba (Kun), TenTen (Ten), Champion (Sicheng) Dork (Lucas), Rennie Tablets (Renjun), Le (Chenle)_

Kun Baba: so Johnny just asked me and Chitta if we can double date with him and his boyfriends

Kun Baba: the way I looked when he said boyfriends like he’s really dating two whole ass guys

TenTen: lmao it was hilarious! Then Johnny was like “if anything I’m the third wheel in my relationship” and then we felt bad for him so guess who’s going on a date with Johnny Yuta and Taeyong

Le: lmao he tried to convince me and Jisung too, Jisung flat out roasted him by calling him gramps

Champion: I was there omg, I’ve never seen Johnny so sad it was hilarious and pitiful

Dork: Jungwoo almost said yes to him I’m so relieved he didn’t I just like dating with my boyfriend and my boyfriend only

TenTen: wow Lucas that’s the first time you’ve ever sounded so moist and it’s because of Jungwoo

Le: wow Jungwoo works magic on him like dang boi

Dork: shut up Chenle when you and Jisung started dating you wouldn’t shut up your mum told me to sit on you to be quiet

Kun Baba: Mama Zhong is a savage

Le: and she can and will kill if y’all ever hurt me js

Rennie Tablets: WONG XUXI

TenTen: what’s wrong my fellow smol

Rennie Tablets: WHY DID YOU GIVE MARK MY FUCKING NUMBER

Kun Baba: Lucas I told you not to give out people’s numbers without their permission remember what happened when you gave Chenle Yuta’s number?

Dork: in my defence he said you two were friends Renjun

Rennie Tablets: yeah well next time ask me or I will make Jungwoo sad by killing you

Dork: yo don’t bring my baby into this or I’ll tell that guy you like everything.

Rennie Tablets: die

Dork: love you too midget face

Champion: Junnie don’t be sad :(

Rennie Tablets: I’m not sad I’m just a private human

Kun Baba: *cracks whip*

Le: Renjun why did he call you anyway?

Rennie Tablets: he wanted dating advice for Hyuck

Le: GASP

Le: REALLY? OMG!!!

Champion: omg how cute uwu

Rennie Tablets: it was awks tho we brought up Hyuck’s crush on Chan and I nearly slapped myself

Dork: LOL BUT CHAN’S STRAIGHT

Rennie Tablets: we know it was still a thing that happened

TenTen: I can’t believe the little shits are banding together woe is me

TenTen: I am woe

Kun Baba: Chitta you love them both why you being such a tsundere

TenTen: you know why

Rennie Tablets: omg Chittaphon that was like one time

TenTen: MY HAIR WAS NEON ORANGE I LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING CARROT

Champion: but you and Kun ended up fucking that week so did you really lose Ten?

Champion: Well your virginity did.

Le: SJSJSJSJSJSJS

Rennie Tablets: BITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTCH

Dork: hHAHAHAHAHAAHH

_Kun Baba and TenTen have left the chat_

Dork: I’m adding them back later

Rennie Tablets: weaklings

Dork: I really am sorry Renjun I didn’t realise you were so touchy about your number

Rennie Tablets: if you’d gone to my college you’d know why

Le: it was an epic fight though you got so infuriated that you cried

Champion: oh no my baby cried? :(

Rennie Tablets: HJJJHJHJJH

Rennie Tablets: DHIAIAASK

Rennie Tablets: MSMSSMSAMAMMAKSA

Le: *sips that tea*

Dork: omg Sicheng you broke Renjun

Champion: Oh?

_Ten minutes later_

Rennie Tablets: I’m back

Rennie Tablets: I can die happy now

Rennie Tablets: <3

Le: could he have BEEN more obvious Jesus

Dork: I’m adding back the dorks

_Dork has added Qian Kun and Chittaphon to the chat_

_Qian Kun has changed his name to Over It_

_Chittaphon has changed his name to Hot_

Hot: lmao guess who just had a quickie with their lover

Champion: Lucas kick them out

Over It: for fuck’s sake Chitta why would you tell them

_Read by: All_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No translations!  
> I'm back, again. This time with a bonus chapter, based on Renjun disappearing last chapter.  
> Did you like the Chinaline ft. Ten group chat?  
> So I've had a turbulent few weeks since uploading the last chapter, but I'd rather not put my only work on hiatus, I will be at uni in the end of this month so I'll aim to update a few more chapters if I get the chance to.  
> Thank you guys for reading, but can you let me know if you think the pacing is too fast or slow in the comments?  
> Love you guys! Take care x


	6. Jisung we need u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin: so basically
> 
> Jaemin: which costa is Mark taking Donghyuck?
> 
> Jisung: the one me and lele work at
> 
> Jeno: “lele” uwu
> 
> Chenle: lord do not tell me you’re gonna spy on them
> 
> Jaemin: bingpot
> 
> Chenle: no wonder Renjun prefers talking on the china chat which is really a mess bc you got Kun who’s Chinese with Thai descent, Ten who’s Thai with Chinese descent and my cousin who’s basically Thai and Chinese
> 
> Chenle: not to mention Renjun is Chinese born Korean. We all a mess.

Donghyuck was busy throwing clothes all around his room by the time Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin got to his flat. When Renjun approached him, he glared, causing the short male to run behind Jeno in fear. Hesitantly, the youngest of the four approached the frantic male, hands out as a method of defence from potential flung clothing attacks. After reassuring himself, Jaemin pulled Donghyuck away from his wardrobe, and onto the bed/clothes mountain with Jeno and Renjun sitting on the barely visible floor.

“Hyuck, you good kid?” Jeno asked with the others nodding along.

“Well I’m spiralling which isn’t exactly good.” Donghyuck sighed heavily as he watched them all roll their eyes.

“I need to look good on this date. Mark’s so amazingly hot-”

“-so are you Donghyuck,” Renjun quipped, “you know you used to have loads of people gassing your appearance. You’re a great looking person and your personality is so bomb like Mark would be stupid not to notice.”

“But if it’s clothing you’re worried about for this date, you have nothing to worry about,” Jaemin said.

“Yeah if you just wear your pyjamas it’s revolutionary,” Jeno said, “and you wanna know why?”

“Because you’re Lee fucking Donghyuck.” The aforementioned chuckled hearing his best friends encouraging him.

“I know I only really say this shit to Injoonie, but I really love you so much,” he gushed, “now can you get off my clothes they’re from H&M and you know their sizing is drunk all the time.”

The four boys spent the rest of the afternoon tidying up and helping Donghyuck with piecing together the best first date outfit ever.

 

**I GOT A DATE BOIS**

Sunshine: did everyone get back home safely?

DoneJun: well I have no idea where Nomin are, they ditched me the second we left your flat

DoneJun: but I’m safe and sound because Sicheng bumped into me and wouldn’t let me walk alone

DoneJun: and now my heart is beating erratically he’s such a gentleman

Sunshine: uwu

Sunshine: when you two gonna get together

DOFMH: I’ll answer that one

DOFMH: the boy is dense af so they’ll never get together because Renjun is emotionally constipated so he’ll never be explicit with his feelings towards Sicheng even though 16 of us know the truth and honestly he’s the only one to blame

DoneJun: you know the only reason you and Jeno are together is because Jisung helped y’all get together everybody say thank you Jisung

Sunshine: that reminds me, can y’all add Jisung and Chenle to this chat bc they lowkey helped me get this date with Mark

DoneJun: lemme go ask Chenle for Jisung’s number and I’ll see

 

**Private Chat- Renjun and Chenle**

Tiny: Lele

Dolphin: yes?

Tiny: Hyuck wants me to add you and Sungie to our group chat

Tiny: you wanna join

Dolphin: k, and Jisung is with me he said yes too so here’s his number

Dolphin: *Jisung’s number*

Tiny: okay see you in a bit beb

Dolphin: I’m taller than you

Tiny: I’m older.

Read by: Chenle

 

**I GOT A DATE BOIS**

Je(no): Babe apologise to Junnie or we aren’t going on that date

DOFMH: :(

Je(no): I mean it.

Je(no): sad face isn’t working this time

DOFMH: ugh fine

DOFMH: I’m sorry Huang Renjun that you don’t know how to be open with your feelings

_DoneJun has added Chenle and Jisung to the chat_

_Chenle has changed his name to Chon_

_Jisung has changed his name to Pwark_

Sunshine: BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Sunshine: I WOULD DIE FOR YOU BOTH

DoneJun: Normally I’d call Hyuck out for being melodramatic but honestly same

DoneJun: oh and Jaemin

DOFMH: ye?

DoneJun: die

DOFMH: :O

Je(no): well it’s too soon to expose the babies to your aggression Renjun

DoneJun: me and Chenle are on another group chat together you fools really think he’s innocent?

Chon: it’s true I’m really a pain in the arse

Pwark: it’s true I date him

DoneJun: Right so anyway welcome to the chat Jisung and Brat

DoneJun: Jisung you must tolerate with so much bc of Chenle

Chon: guess what?

Chon: Sicheng says hi

Je(no): LMAOOOOOOO

DOFMH: omg this boy sasses Renjun more than we do I love it

Sunshine: wow I usually feel bad bc bestie, but this is hilarious

DoneJun: feck off

Pwark: ah so everyone teases Renjun on here? That’s kinda peak

DoneJun: MY BABY

Chon: Hands off my man

DoneJun: I’m literally in love with Dong Sicheng and Dong Sicheng only

Pwark: aw that’s so cute

Pwark: Renjun is so cute

Chon: you’re the only person who thinks that love

Chon: but bc I love you I’ll agree with you just this once

Sunshine: y’all are better than nomin I say we give Chensung the ultimate couple status

DoneJun: nomin who? I only know Chensung

Je(no): What’s that I hear? Renjun is bitter and alone? In this day and age?

DOFMH: sad.

Chon: okay wtf does that DOFMH thing stand for

DOFMH: DICKS OUT FOR MARKHYUCK

Sunshine: while I approve of the ship name

Sunshine: if I see any unsolicited dicks I’m revoking your friendship cards

Chon: renjun can you kick me out this chat

DoneJun: no. suffer.

Chon: why you so mean :(

DoneJun: because I’m bitter and alone apparently.

DOFMH: this is sad Alexa play Day by Day by Lunafly

DoneJun: fuck off puddi

Je(no): YOU DID NOT CALL MY BOYFRIEND A VAGINA

DoneJun: bite me assholes

Read by: Everyone

 

**Private Chat- Jeno and Jaemin**

Jaemin’s: okay we took it too far with Renjun today

Jeno’s: who cares he just called me a puddi the fucking rat

Jaemin’s: and we just provoked him with teasing him about Sicheng. To be fair he overreacts all the time but maybe we took it too far

Jeno’s: I’ll go to his tomorrow after lectures

Jaemin’s: okay.

Jaemin’s: now do you know where Mark is taking Hyuck

Jaemin’s: like which Costa?

Jeno’s: no but I can find out now we’ve befriended Jisung

Jeno’s: the boy worships Mark lol

Jaemin’s: cool we’ll make a separate chat with him and Chenle

Jeno’s: okay you be admin tho okay

Jaemin’s: k, I’ll make it now

Read by: Jaemin

 

_Jeno has added Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung to a new chat_

_Jeno has called the chat Jisung we need u_

**Jisung we need u**

Chenle: oh lord another chat

Jisung: oh hey it’s the couples only wassup

Jeno: okay I cba for nicknames on this chat let’s keep it normal for once

Jaemin: so basically

Jaemin: which costa is Mark taking Donghyuck?

Jisung: the one me and lele work at

Jeno: “lele” uwu

Chenle: lord do not tell me you’re gonna spy on them

Jaemin: bingpot

Chenle: no wonder Renjun prefers talking on the china chat which is really a mess bc you got Kun who’s Chinese with Thai descent, Ten who’s Thai with Chinese descent and my cousin who’s basically Thai and Chinese

Chenle: not to mention Renjun is Chinese born Korean. We all a mess.

Jisung: okay but why do you wanna spy on Mark and Hyuck?????

Jeno: bc it’s entertaining.

Jisung: okay cool. I’ll make sure to sit you guys in the perfect spying position

Chenle: no free drinks tho I barely know you lol

Jeno: well we’ll get to know you properly during Markhyuck’s date

Chenle: toosh

Jaemin: …

Jisung: he means touché

Jaemin: okay. Anyway you two are probs at work we’ll leave you to it

Chenle: actually we both bunked off work today bc we had our presentations in the morning

Jeno: wow mood

Jeno: well we’ll let you get on with whatever

Jisung: k bye

Read by: Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> puddi- vagina. yup.
> 
> so I wrote this ages ago but I keep forgetting to update  
> everyone welcome chensung to the chat!  
> and no I have not forgotten that Markhyuck are supposed to be going on a date, I'm just in uni figuring life out right now so I'll update whenever inspo strikes.


	7. Date with a splash of Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chon: OH MY GOFSH  
> Chon: JUNNNIEEE  
> DoneJun: WHAT  
> DoneJun: CHENLE WHAT HAPPENED  
> Chon: I CAN'T BETAGHE  
> Chon: I’M SO GLAD I TOOK MY BREAK ON THE SHOP FLOOR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating in ages, uni is taking it out of me. Also I probably won't update for a while now, so have this update and don't hate me too much!

When opening the door to Mark, he wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. But as he felt a soft peck on his cheek, Donghyuck was certain that this was exactly what to expect.

“Sorry I’m so late Donghyuck, I had to make sure Johnny wouldn’t harass me into telling him where we’re going,” Mark said, “and by Johnny, I meant him and his boyfriends.” Donghyuck let out a chuckle before telling Mark not to worry. The younger of the two walked away from the doorway and linked arms with Mark, as they made their way out of halls and towards the university’s main building.

“Which Costa are we going to?” Donghyuck asked as he got into Mark’s car.

“The one nearby but we still have to drive there,” Mark began, “now, you relax for a bit, I’m gonna play some music while we get there.” Elated as the introduction to Remember the Time by Michael Jackson blared through the speakers, Donghyuck grabbed his phone and started to message the others. 

\----------------------------------------

**I GOT A DATE BOIS**

DOFMH: I’m listening to Shawn mendes

DOFMH: Lmao

DOFMH: Jk

DOFMH: Why did I say Jk

DOFMH: I am listening to him

Je(no): LOL babe please

DoneJun: You always listen to him we aren't surprised

Je(no): innit

DoneJun: If you listened to Day6 I'd be shook

DOFMH: I’m dead ... just thought I hadn’t mentioned his name in a while

DoneJun: You sound like me when I talk about Jae Park aka my soulmate from Day6

DOFMH: Lmao

DOFMH: Jeno dear please hurry up your panini is getting cold

Je(no): Hold on babe lemme piss

DoneJun: wait why are you eating paninis where are you

Je(no): oh one of my flatmates bought a Foreman Grill in for some reason but yeah, we’re trying it out

DoneJun: I- that makes no sense?

DoneJun: why the fuck are you two trying it you’ve used my grill before?

DoneJun: I call bullshit

Sunshine: lads, I’m in LOVE

Sunshine: *multiple heart emojis, literally every heart emoji*

DoneJun: HYUCKIE HOW IS THE DATE GOING

Sunshine: HE’S A LITERAL GENTLEMAN IM INTERNALLY GUSHING

Sunshine: we’re in the car and he’s such a smooth driver

Sunshine: going to the Costa nearby but he still wanted to drive bless

Sunshine: AND HE’S PLAYING MICHAEL JACKSON

Sunshine: I love one (1) man and his name is Lee Minhyung

DoneJun: Omg you used his Korean name JSJSJSJSJ

Je(no): aww Hyuck I’m so happy for you like legit this is beautiful

Sunshine: THANK YOU JEN JEN

Sunshine: oof I gotta go Mark just parked the car

Sunshine: BYE GUYS

DOFMH: GOOD LUCK DONGHYUCK

DoneJun: HAVE FUN MY BESTIE

Je(no): USE PROTECTION

Chon: wow this is the first message I see as I clock in from my break

Chon: pls don’t taint my Jisungie with your vulgarity

Read by: Everyone

\------------------------------------------------

Donghyuck was content with Mark’s choice of Costa. He loved the atmosphere, the Chenle and Jisung being the cute barista couple that they are, the Jaemin and Jeno being blatant about hiding from him-

Wait.

What?

“Uh, aren’t they your friends, D?” Mark whispered as they drank their caramel lattes, and while he was irritated that his friends decided to spy on him, Mark’s little nickname made him feel soft on the inside.

“Not anymore,” he replied, swiftly getting his phone out and typing quickly.

 

**Private Chat- Donghyuck and Jeno**

SolarSystemWho: JENO YOU BETTER FUCKING FUCK OFF

SolarSystemWho: and take your boyfriend with you ya eejits really thought I’d not see y’all headasses

SolarSystemWho: I CAN SEE YOU TYPING YOU KNOB

MilkBoi: Sorry! The number you’re texting cannot take any messages currently, please try again later

MilkBoi: perhaps after your date would be good

MilkBoi: _beep_

SolarSystemWho: Just know that I can and will cut a bitch

SolarSystem: and I don’t mean you. So start preparing eulogies

 

“D, what do you want? Jisung’s waiting,” Mark said, getting Donghyuck to look up from his phone.

“Oh-oh I’m so sorry I was just telling a certain idiot to stop,” he chuckled, “um… I’ll just get a medium caramel cappuccino and a brownie.”

“You heard the man Jisung, I’ll just get a medium mocha and a blueberry muffin.”

“Alright, Mark how you paying?” Jisung asked, but before Mark could respond, an obnoxious voice could be heard.

 

**I GOT A DATE BOIS**

**Chenle changed the chat name to “FUCK FUCKKKKK”**

**FUCK FUCKKKKK**

Chon: OH MY GOFSH

Chon: JUNNNIEEE

DoneJun: WHAT

DoneJun: CHENLE WHAT HAPPENED

Chon: I CAN'T BETAGHE

Chon: I’M SO GLAD I TOOK MY BREAK ON THE SHOP FLOOR

Chon: my poor Jisung tho :(

DoneJun: WHAT HAPPENED

DoneJun: CHONLEY YOU BETTER ANSWER ME

Chon: I can’t fucking brEATHE WHAT IS AIR

Chon: this Tit came out of nowhere and tried to beef my boyfriend for ‘being inappropriate’ at the tills

Chon: HE WAS SERVING MARK AND DONGHYUCK I ACTUALLY CAN’T FJFJFJDFJDJDFJFJK

DoneJun: U WOT

DoneJun: I need a full ass explanation

Chon: I can’t I gotta go help Sungie with dealing with the fallout. Ask Jeno or Jaemin they’ll tell you

Chon: oops I wasn’t meant to tell you they were theer0egijfnvf

DoneJun: Jeno and Jaemin I swear you better tell me what happened or I’m murdering you both for spying on Markhyuck’s date

DOFMH: Hi

DOFMH: Basically Jisung was running the till alone bc Lele is on break and there was bare people waiting to order

Je(no): Like even we were waiting for ages before Mark and Hyuck parked up

DoneJun: Wot

DoneJun: you were there since earlier on? Fuck you idiots I need new friends

DoneJun: but spill the tea first then I’ll cancel you from this daily subscription of my iconic asexual antics

Je(no): And then this woman came in with her little son like wayyyyyyyyyyy behind Donghyuck and Mark, and was like “I have an appointment at the dentist in half an hour” obnoxiously loud

DOFMH: Jisung was like ‘I’m sorry but my colleague is on break so I’m unable to process and make orders quicker’ and then told her “it’ll be ten-minute wait until I have someone else covering the machines” even though Lele had just stood up to go back to the counter

Je(no): And she was like “but I have an appointment” and that shit went on for a few mins and then the woman got angry like “is this how Costa works, a ten-minute wait is stupid” and she made a good point about how they should let people know before that there’s a delay. A coffee shop’s really gonna be like “Hi Sir/Madam we’re really sorry but there is gonna be a delay with orders today and I AM ONLY ONE FUCKING HUMAN CHILD WHO JUST WANTS TO EARN ENOUGH MONEY TO NOT RELY ON MAINTENANCE LOANS”

DOFMH: I mean she could have left her house earlier for her dentist appointment WHICH NO ONE CARED ABOUT

Je(no): And that was all fine or whatever but then Donghyuck was daydreaming while Mark ordered, and the woman got pissed off

Je(no): She told her kid she’ll have to cancel the appointment and she stormed out , took a picture of the sign outside , phoned someone

DoneJun: DHSHSHSHSH is this bitch dumb does she know that there’s a whole ass Starbucks down the road if she’s so angry about waiting go there

DoneJun: who even drinks coffee before going to the dentist she’s really dumb as shit

DOFMH: that’s not all that happened

DoneJun: OH LORD

Je(no): Dragon Bitch came back in 30 minutes later and was like “I’d like a complaint request form” or smth and kept saying it

DoneJun: That’s so fucking extra disjsjdjjd

DOFMH: Luckily the people had died down by then and Markhyuck were drinking their drinks. Jisung was being fine like saying ok and stuff but the woman legit wouldn’t let him speak to explain that Chenle’s off his break now, he was sat with us while it happened innit

DoneJun: she’s making all this fuss bc she couldn’t order her coffee what the fuck

Pwark: I’m on break now lemme carry on telling Renjun

DoneJun: JISUNG ARE YOU OKAY

Pwark: yeah it was hilarious tbh hyung I’m fine

Pwark: And then she just went on a mad one like “I’m not going off on you if you feel like that, but this is ridiculously etc.”

Pwark: Ridiculous*

DoneJun: DEAD

Pwark: she wanted me to pay for her cancelled appointment LIKE MADAM I AM A FIRST YEAR UNI STUDENT I CANNOT AFFORD MY OWN APPOINTMENTS

DoneJun: she’s taking the piss who makes a random stranger pay for their appointments fucking hell

DoneJun: rah all this happening during Markhyuck’s date how iconic

Pwark: oh yh add Mark later Jun Hyung I’ll DM his number to you

DoneJun: I already have his number he’s my old history tutor from college

DoneJun: I’mthe one who told him Hyuck idolises Michael Jackson

Pwark: oh lmao. He still gets brownie points paying attention to ya

DoneJun: I’ll add him later

Sunshine: Guys that was the highlightof the date me and MArk were dying in the car

DoneJun: HYUCKIIEEEEEE!!!!

DoneJun: MY BEST FRAN

DoneJun: MY BRETHREN

DoneJun: how did the date go other than that

Sunshine: Mark’s with me in my flat

Pwark: HSHSHJSJ

DOFMH: dickSo Ut for MARKHYUCK

Je(no): MARK LEE IS A SMOOTH MOFO I WITNESSED IT MYSELF

Je(no): like I thought Nana was smooth

Je(no): but holy fucking wow Mark is S M O O T H

DOFMH: I ain’t even mad it’s true. Hyuck dropped his brownie but before it hit the ground Mark swooped down grabbed it and placed it back in Hyuck’s hands

Chon: I’m back our manager let me and SUngie leave early bc the night shifters came ten minutes ago

Chon: but I can100% vouch for Mark being a smooth lad I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hycuk flustered

Sunshine: my gay ass is even more in love!! Like literal heart eyes!

Sunshine: Mark’s in the ensuite rn but I’m signing off so see y’all later xoxo

Read by: Everyone

 

**Private Chat- Renjun and Jeno**

Jammy: we would have invited you but it’s not fair on you always being the third wheel (or is it the seventh wheel now?

Smol: that’s not why I’m annoyed. Hyuck’s loved Mark since AS and for him to finally be on a date with him is sacred and you two spying on him was shit

Smol: however Hyuck seems to not be as bothered so I need to stfu lol

Jammy: look I didn’t wanna say this

Jammy: but I genuinely hate how sad you are when you are with me and Nana and we act all coupley. Like I know you’re happy for us, but I feel for you when you talk about Sicheng and you don’t act upon having feelings for him 

Smol: don’t talk abot this now

Smol: what does my lack of dating have to do with today? I’m honestly ecstatic you all have found love, even Lele and Sungie who are my literal babies! Today isn’t about me, don’t make it about me

Smol: in fact fuck off, I’m not in the mood

Jammy: Junnie please

Jammy: I’m only saying it because I care!

Read by: Renjun

 -------------------------------------

“I’m seriously so sorry that you had to witness that weird demonic lady attack Jisung over how busy Costa was today!” Mark whispered as he and Donghyuck shared a pizza between them. Chuckling, Donghyuck shook his head before replying.

“It’s not like you could see that happening before we got there, don’t apologise for the most hilarious bullshit to ever happen while I was on a date!” The two boys fell into a comfortable silence. Mark watched Donghyuck nibble on his fries, and smiled as the boy complained when a crispier fry grazed along his gums. Heart warm, Mark leant towards Donghyuck and pulled him into a soft kiss. Donghyuck reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck and smiling timidly. They pulled away, blushes tinting both their faces.

“Is it too soon to say I love you?” Donghyuck asked in a daze. Laughing, Mark rolled his eyes before telling the boy in front of him that he, too, loved him.

 

The two young lovers spent the rest of the evening cuddling and streaming shows on Netflix. They were so engrossed in Donghyuck’s laptop screen that they didn’t notice the multiple messages sent to them by friends all saying the same thing.

 

**Private Chat- Jeno and Donghyuck**

Milkboi: HYUCK PLEASE REPLY TO ME

 

**Private Chat- Lucas and Mark**

Xuxi: Renjun’s not in his flat. No one can find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No translations, all typos made weren't deliberate but I'm keeping them in to keep the authenticity of texting bc not everyone types with 'perfect grammar'

**Author's Note:**

> Translations for ch 1:  
> "Ala ja fir kutti"- Okay, go then bitch (literally), Okay get lost bitch (in this context)  
> “Donghyuck se shaadi karoge, Mark?”- Will you marry Donghyuck, Mark?


End file.
